


Segni di Primavera (Signs of Spring)

by frantic65



Series: Prelude to Love [6]
Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 05:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2217951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frantic65/pseuds/frantic65
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ennis and Jack hit a roadblock on their road to happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Segni di Primavera (Signs of Spring)

Ennis tapped his baton sharply on the music stand, biting back the angry words he wanted to shout at the percussion section who appeared to have decided they wanted to be in a heavy metal band instead of the New York Philharmonic. 

“That would be absolutely stellar on stage at Madison Square Garden with the mob in the mosh pit, but I don’t think its really what Vivaldi had in mind for the classic beauty of Springtime, percussionists.” 

He shot a warning glance at the snickering first violins, who had also been giving an erratic effort at today’s run through and really had no room to be feeling superior to their tempo controlling compatriots. 

“I realize that the blue skies and eighty degree temperatures have everyone longing to be outside today, but we need to focus on mastering the work of the masters, not gathering wool like a pack of sheep-herders.” 

He ignored the eye-rolling and put-upon sighs from the cellos, and instructed everyone to start at the beginning as punishment. 

He knew he was out-of-sorts himself, and that wasn’t helping with the attack of Spring Fever the rest of the orchestra was apparently suffering from today. He normally enjoyed the spring as much as anyone else on the East Coast, especially after they finally seemed to be breaking free of a particularly nasty winter. 

Ennis closed his eyes and tried to let the joyful strains of Vivaldi’s “Spring” send him to a calmer and more relaxing place in his mind. He felt some of the tension bleed from his shoulders as the solo violinist, Joshua Tyler, began a flawless interpretation of his part, pulling the rest of the orchestra back on track with him. He looked over at the violinist, giving him a grateful nod and a smile. Sometimes it worked that way, one member of their musical family instinctively knowing what the other members needed, and selflessly giving that part of themself to the group, generously expecting nothing in return .

Sometimes things worked that way in relationships as well, but lately he and Jack were not any sort of example of a healthy partnership. After being together for almost five years, and weathering the strain of frequent separation brought on by Jack’s touring schedule and Ennis’s own obligations to the orchestra that had at times kept them apart for weeks at a time, Ennis wasn’t even sure they could still be considered a couple at all.

They had always stayed in touch via whatever electronic means of communication were available, and despite the odds of a long distance relationship being able to grow and strengthen in such circumstances, he and Jack only seemed to come out more eager to be together every time they were reunited. 

Then, late last summer, Jack had decided to cut back on his schedule drastically, claiming that he felt he was on the verge of burning himself out if he didn’t take a touring break starting almost immediately. It was a decision he had made on his own, without consulting Ennis or his agent first. 

Since Jack tended to act impulsively, especially in matters of his art and love life, Ennis was not upset or unduly concerned at the speed with which Jack was making this change to his career. Jack knew that Ennis would support him and not try to control his future when it came to his music; it was a large part of what had allowed them to remain so committed in their partnership. Ennis knew how tiresome life on the road could get, and he would much prefer that Jack take a break before he ended up in a hospital suffering from exhaustion or worse, especially after the close call he’d had with his health a few years back.

So Jack had settled in and taken it easy for a few months, and with the Fall Season in full swing for Ennis at the Philharmonic, they had finally gotten a taste of what being in a committed partnership really felt like. No one was living out of a suitcase, or trying to calculate changes in time zones to avoid waking the other up at 4am on a performance day. 

Yet, Ennis had found himself holding his breath, as though waiting for the other shoe to drop with Jack. 

They had weathered the Holidays in fine form, sharing traditions and creating new ones together, visiting with friends and even hosting a New Year’s Eve celebration of their own, with Jack insisting on planning the entire affair thanks to his overabundance of free time. 

But, suddenly the bitterly cold and dismal winter doldrums seemed to settle in with a vengeance, and the first signs of strain began to show on Jack. It was a gradual, almost invisible process, so much so that at first Ennis felt sure that he was imagining Jack’s withdrawal from the outside world. It didn’t help that Ennis had to attend and speak at a two week long seminar in London in mid-January, filling in for a colleague who had fallen ill at the last moment. He had thought nothing of it, assuming that Jack would go with him since he had no other committments for the time being, but after coldly informing Ennis that he was not going to become a fucking trophy wife, Jack had opted to go skiing in Aspen with some friends instead. 

Ennis had been hurt at first, mostly at the unexpected hostility behind Jack’s refusal to go with him. It had never been Ennis’s intention to slight Jack or make him feel like ‘the little woman’ in their relationship, so Ennis backed off, knowing that Jack’s sometime volatile artistic temperament caused him to pull away. 

In the end, Ennis was glad Jack had decided not to come with him. They had an intense and passionate relationship, and living together non-stop for almost six months was a little like living in the middle of a volcano; space and time became a welcome diversion. 

When Ennis returned home from Europe, he had found a happier and hornier Jack Twist waiting to greet him. Ennis was relieved that Jack seemed to have shrugged off whatever darkness had been threatening to swallow him, and they had spent the week’s vacation Ennis had earned by stepping in and covering the conference, reaquainting themselves with their favorite sexual positions and locations. 

Ennis had been further lulled into thinking the worst was over, when Jack announced that he was ready to go back to work. He had accepted a teaching position at Julliard in the music composition and theory department. Ennis had been slightly surprised that Jack eschewed the performance and private instruction areas of the curriculum, but at least he seemed to have a renewed focus on his career, and he assured Ennis that if it wasn’t satisfying he would reassess things at the end of the Spring semester. 

Ennis had kissed him soundly, and fucked him atop their baby grand piano that night, happy to have his Jack back again, never admitting how worried he had been by Jack’s case of the ‘winter blues’. 

The semester began soon after that, and Ennis quickly became engrossed in the start of the next season at the Philharmonic. They were both busy, and often only met in the bathroom while grooming, or in the bedroom as they both collapsed into an exhausted sleep, but Ennis would have signed a sworn affadavit insisting they were both happy and content with their lifestyle. 

About a month into Jack’s semester, Ennis had come home after an unusually strenuos performance playing referee to a pair of piano soloists, each convinced they deserved top billing on the program, not the humiliation of sharing the limelight equally, and had walked into an empty apartment. It wasn’t unusual for Jack to go out with friends on nights that Ennis had a concert, or even spending the night in his studio at Julliard if he was in the middle of a composition, but this time he was gone, taking most of his clothes and personal effects with him. 

Ennis stared in confusion at the note neatly written and sitting innocently on the round marble table that stood in the center hallway, directly in his line of sight at the front entrance. 

_‘Ennis, I need some time to think about where my life is heading. I’m sorry to leave so suddenly, and I want you to know that while I do love you, I’m just not so sure that I love who I’ve become over the past few months. I’ll be staying in the faculty apartments at the school. I promise to keep in touch, but I can’t think clearly if I stay. Love, J’_

Ennis had been stunned and his world had been thrown off balance, but he had given Jack the space he requested, and as promised, a few weeks later, Jack had made contact. 

Ennis was spending a rare quiet evening at home, catching up on some reading in a half-hearted way. He had his ipod shuffling through a contemporary playlist, more for the noise than for any need to listen to Michael Buble sing of love lost and magically found. He stayed seated on the leather chaise when he heard the key in the lock, knowing it was either Julian come to check on him, making sure he wasn’t hanging from the ceiling fan in his grief, or Jack. 

He raised his eyes calmly from his book when he saw Jack’s black Prada boots stop just inside the living room door.

“Hey, Ennis.” Jack spoke quietly, his fingers nervously tapping against his thigh the only sign that he was not feeling as casual as his greeting indicated.

“Hello, Jack.” Ennis answered politely, his own mind in turmoil at the possible meaning of Jack’s appearance. “How are you?”

“Um...better...I think.” Jack seemed obviously uncomfortable now, and Ennis slid his legs off the chaise, making room for Jack to sit next to him if he wanted to. “I’m sorry if I’m disturbing you—“ he stepped closer and sat down on the edge of the chaise. 

“Bullshit!” Ennis cut him off, surprising himself as much as Jack. “This is still your home, Jack, as long as you want it to be.” He softened his words by reaching over and caressing Jack’s cheek. “You can always come and go as you please...unless you’ve decided to move on.” 

“Move on?” Jack echoed his words, brow furrowed anxiously as he grabbed Ennis’s hand and turned it to press a kiss on his wrist. “I may be confused about a lot of things right now, Ennis, but I’m sure I’m not ready to say good-bye to you...to us.” 

Ennis smiled at him sadly, “Then why is it so hard for you to let me help you; to let me be the partner I want to be? Stay here with me. I won’t try to influence you in any way, but I can’t understand your confusion if you cut yourself off from me completely.” 

“You don’t understand.” Jack spoke somewhat bitterly, but kept hold of Ennis’s hand. “You couldn’t understand.”

“So explain it to me in a way that I will be able to understand.” Ennis removed his hand from Jack’s grasp, placing it once again against Jack’s cheek. 

Jack stared into Ennis’s face, licking his lips as he nuzzled into his touch. “I didn’t think it would be this difficult.” He whispered, closing his eyes and leaning in to press his lips against Ennis’s. 

Ennis slid his hand around to the nape of Jack’s neck, fingers wrapping into the thick dark hair he found there, moving his other hand to rest on Jack’s shoulder, pulling him slowly in closer to his body. 

“Shhhh.” Ennis soothed as he murmured against Jack’s lips, “Stop thinking so much, and just feel.” He licked Jack’s bottom lip, sucking it gently into his mouth before releasing it with a teasing nip. “We belong together, Jack.” He claimed Jack’s lips aggressively, frustration replacing passion when Jack initially resisted. He broke away and pulled Jack’s head back roughly,fingers threaded through his hair. Ennis glared into Jack’s eyes, letting the war between his hurt and love bleed raw and intense between them. “There should be no confusion when it comes to that.” He released Jack and stood up, smoothing a not-so-steady hand across the top of Jack’s head, before leaving the room and walking into the master bedroom, firmly closing the door behind him. 

He stood with his hands pressed against door for a few minutes, listening for sounds of Jack’s movements in other parts of the apartment, but there had been nothing but silence. Eventually, he turned and braced himself against the hard unyielding surface of the door, finally sliding slowly to the floor when he heard the unmistakable and ominous solid click of the front door closing. 

That had been almost a week ago, and he had heard nothing from Jack since. He had found out through the fairly reliable classical music grapevine that Jack had been offered the position of first chair Horn with the Sydney Philharmonic, an opportunity almost unheard of for someone so young. It was a dream job, and Ennis knew that the private perks that would go along with such an offer would be substantial, and no doubt give Jack plenty of time to develop his solo career without the constant travel that he had found so tiresome when he was on his own. 

Ennis tried to understand why Jack hadn’t shared the news with him personally, unless that was what had prompted his visit the week before. Ennis felt a wave of guilt strike him squarely in the chest when he remembered that he hadn’t really given Jack the opportunity to discuss much of anything with him, before he had gone off to sulk in their bedroom. He was nothing but proud of Jack and the well-deserved recognition he was getting in the classical music world, and if he had the chance, he would tell him that to his face. 

Ennis sighed and turned his attention back to the last movement of the Vivaldi, realizing he had no idea if it was up to par or had sounded like classical music karaoke at the local tavern. Glancing at his watch, he waved his baton, calling a halt to the rehearsal. “Okay people, that’s enough for today.” He saw a few surprised looks passing between the rows of musicians, and smiled wanly encompassing the entire group. “Go out and enjoy the weather. Smell some flowers...watch some birds. Go on, before I change my mind. But after today’s lackluster practice, make sure you all get your Spring Fever out of your systems or the next Sign of Spring we’ll be seeing is the one that says ‘Out of Business’.” 

The ensemble beat it out of there quicker than an elementary school on the first day of summer vacation, with only a few stragglers taking their time or approaching Ennis with a comment or question. 

Ennis was making a few last marks on his score, when he felt a presence standing directly behind him. He turned and found Julian staring at him soberly. “Yes, Julian?” he asked in his most professional, fuck off voice.

“You haven’t heard from him yet, have you?” Ennis frowned in Julian’s direction, but let his shoulders slump when he saw nothing but concern in his friend’s expression.

“No, not a word.” Ennis tensed as Julian squeezed his shoulder. “What if he doesn’t come back, Julian?”

“Then he’s a bigger fool than you.” Julian answered solemnly, smacking his palm lightly against Ennis’s cheek before leaving the rehearsal room. He turned and opened the heavy stage door. “Go after him. Don’t let him make his own mistakes. You’ll end up alone like me if you do.”

Ennis stood in the empty concert hall for a long time, lost in thought, trying to imagine a life without Jack in it. Julian was right, he would be a fool if he let Jack go without a fight. He didn’t care if Jack decided to stay at Julliard or if he chose the position in Australia, they belonged together, even if they had to keep homes on two different continents and earn more frequent flyer miles than any other people on the face of the earth. 

Ennis hurried off the stage, heading for the street entrance at the back of the concert hall. He skidded to a stop at the sight of a forlorn-looking Jack, hair mussed from the wind, nervously pacing back-and-forth in the lobby. He paused when he saw Ennis, before walking over, holding out a handful of tulips and daffodils almost shyly.

“You were right.” Jack stated, relinquishing the flowers into Ennis’s hands with a smile that had Ennis catching his breath. It had been a very long time since he’d seen Jack’s face light up like that, and he hadn’t realized until that moment just how much he’d missed it.

“About what?” Ennis looked down at the colorful assortment of flowers before searching Jack’s face curiously. 

“We do belong together, but it seems I lost sight of that important fact temporarily.” Jack stepped closer to Ennis, hesitating just before they would have touched.  
“So what jogged your memory?” Ennis placed his hand beneath Jack’s elbow, steering him toward the exit. 

“The signs of Spring.” Jack glanced sideways at Ennis as they merged onto the pedestrian traffic on the sidewalk. 

“The birds and the bees?” Ennis asked jokingly, banging his shoulder lightly into Jack’s as they walked. 

“Good guess, but not exactly.” Jack put out his hand and stopped Ennis, pushing him off to the side, out of the way of the other New Yorkers rushing home from work. “I took a walk in Central Park and found myself sitting in the Conservatory Gardens in the middle of hundreds of tulips and daffodils. I thought to myself, _Winter is finally over, look at how beautifully those flowers are blooming._ and then I realized that those flowers would do the same thing next spring, and the spring after that, as long as their roots remained healthy.” Ennis kept silent, but listened intently, knowing that it was important to Jack to get his point across.  
“So I asked myself, _How healthy are the roots of our relationship?_ I sat there in the middle of those flowers for hours thinking of you and me, and all the things we’ve been through. And it struck me that in all this time, we’ve never talked about our future, about where we see ourselves next month, or next year. I want our life together to be like those tulips, Ennis. I want the beauty and the color and the excitement to be a part of us for forever, but I also want to know that we’re there for each other through the cold, depressing winter months, nurturing each other so that we’re ready to blossom again come Spring.” He paused and looked at Ennis from under his thick black lashes. “Pretty corny, isn’t it?” 

Ennis leaned back against the brick facade of the building they had stopped before, needing something solid behind his body as he processed Jack’s words. He thought that Jack had just told him in his roundabout way, that he wanted a deeper committment between them, something permanent that he could count on, no matter where they ended up. It was exactly what Ennis had hoped Jack would eventually want from him, something he was more than happy to give him. But, before he agreed to a lifetime committment with Jack, he needed to make sure Jack knew that future crisis’s in career and lifestyle couldn’t be handled by running away. Ennis wanted Jack to be his partner, with all of the good and bad things that might involve. 

Right now, Jack was looking nervous, clearing his throat and waiting anxiously for Ennis’s response. “Say something, Ennis.” Jack finally broke, running his hands up and down Ennis’s arms in concern. Ennis didn’t speak, but he settled his arm across Jack’s shoulders and pulled him back onto the sidewalk. 

Finally, after a block or so, Ennis started to talk. “Do you know how it feels to come home one day and find a letter from your lover, telling you he loves you, but he doesn’t want to be with you while he’s working some things out? How about how it feels to know that the man you love doesn’t feel confident that you won’t bully him into a decision that will effect his life and yours, even though you’ve never tried to influence him before, unless his health was concerned?” Ennis started walking faster, trying to keep a lid on his temper. He swept them into the lobby of their apartment building and pounded on the elevator call button impatiently. 

The elevator door opened and Ennis absently noted the car was empty as the doors closed and he tapped the button for their floor. Jack had paled at Ennis’s questions and was biting his lip nervously, unsure if he should answer the questions or keep his mouth shut. 

Ennis hit the emergency stop button, pushing Jack firmly against the back wall of the elevator, grinding his hips into Jack’s, raising Jack’s arms above his head and trapping them there with the hand that still gripped the flowers Jack had given him. 

He kissed Jack roughly on the lips, growling into his mouth as Jack opened for him with a groan that grew louder as Ennis pushed his free hand between them to cup Jack’s erection. 

“Ah...I’m sorry, Ennis.” Jack panted out, as Ennis pulled his lips away from his. Jack banged his head in frustration on the wall behind him. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t want you to think I was weak by not being able to figure out what I want to do at my age.” 

Ennis reached inside Jack’s jeans and placed a possessive hand on his cock. “I would never think less of you for wanting to try something different after all the years you spent touring and performing. Hell, most people would think you were nuts if you decided not to try something different.” 

“But you always knew what you wanted to do, and...um... you never let anyone stop you from getting it.” Jack arched his back and pushed into Ennis’s touch as he slowly began to stroke his length.

“I did my share of teaching and performing before I managed to reach my goal, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be doing this for the rest of my life either, Jack.” Ennis flicked open the buttons on Jack’s jeans one-handed, pushing the fabric down past Jack’s ass, rubbing the smooth skin he found there. “Point is, I did all of those things while I was unattached, with no one in my life who’d give a shit what I did.” 

Jack closed his eyes, Ennis’s words finding their mark, and making him finally understand that he had nothing to be ashamed of in the eyes of this man. “I’m so sorry.” He breathed the words quietly, thoughts of love and regret mixing together in his mind as Ennis continued to rut against him, suddenly forcing him to focus on the passion that flared between them in the form of a shuddering mutual climax. 

Ennis was breathing heavily into his neck, flowers raining down over their heads as he released his grip on both Jack’s wrists and the bouquet. 

Jack leaned weakly against the elevator wall, fingers petting Ennis’s sweaty curls affectionately. “I promise not to shut you out anymore, Ennis. I want you in my life forever, in good times and in bad.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Ennis’s head. “Holy Shit, Ennis, I think I want to marry you!” 

Ennis rubbed his face against Jack’s neck, then turned his head to meet Jack’s eyes. “Hey, no fair, I was going to ask you first, but I got distracted by your dick.” 

Jack smiled widely and nuzzled his nose against Ennis’s. “Get over it, Del Mar. Let’s get our asses out of this elevator and into our home, so we can start practicing for our Honeymoon.” 

“Honeymoon, huh? And just where will that be taking place, Jack Twist? Sydney?”

Jack’s mouth hung open for a second before snapping shut as he hid his face in his hands. “Oh, crap.”

Ennis placed a friendly hand on Jack’s back, steering him down the hallway towards their apartment. 

“Come on, Mr. Del Mar-Twist, you’ve got some more ‘splaining to do.”


End file.
